When i was a kid, i had an experienced of being bullied by my classmates, they're always having fun with me. They always make me cry, and they always annoy me. I cannot say that i have no friends that time, but what i mean is a true friend that whatever mistake that I've done, he/she will not leave me. but they are just playing with me or noticing me when they need something from me.
But a few years later i just realized that i don't need to do everything for them, cause a true friend doesn't ask anything but your presence.
there comes a time when they criticize me of being a different girl. They are like implanting these phrase to my mind;
''Your life would be miserable." " You have nothing to do with your life." "Your disgusting, a tomboy!"
Those phrases were stocked up in my mind like I'm being afraid of reaching my dreams cause I'm different.
I got a bad thinking that i am not beautiful, I'm ugly, like I'm too embarrassing. It's so hard to face these struggles when you have no one to lean on.
My family thought that I'm just fine in school, but i just hid everything. I am also afraid to tell that i am bullied because of my difference to others. i know that they also don't want me to be like boyish. I'm living in darkness and coldness in my childhood days.
Until i reach grade 9. I was a transferee so i do not know anyone. For me, i thought that this would be the year of my progress of not being an introvert but being a normal and typical one. But i cannot still change my personality, so there are only few people whom i am talking with but a lot of people sees me as a weird person. As usual ,but it is happy tho. They're not hurting or bullying me anymore. My heart is still not contented, i used my instinct for 2 weeks to find a friend but no one passed. I can see if that person will last as a friend or not.
Until I decided to talk with my other classmates, and there I found Angelica, Precious and Jocelyn.
I am not going to tell a lot of things about us.
But I am gonna tell what's the most important part.
In my grade 10 i had a lot of pressure and confusion in my mind and it's like I'm bearing the whole universe. And I have a weak frustration tolerance and an unhealthy thinking. I am in a distress and I am having a bad mood swing that no one can understand. I always get mad with no reason and it's like i am already a crazy person. But you know people, They didn't leave me. Though they cannot understand me, they always give me advises and try to guide me. I had hurt them a tons of times but they never give up on me. They always help me, take care of me and everything!
For a long time that i struggle having true friends! Gosh now it is already granted, they're here already! They love me so much that i could not even understand why are they loving me despite of being a psycho. I cannot express my happiness in just words. I am so so blessed to have them.
And now, i am still weird but i changed and still changing, trying not to be too dramatic and I'm trying to manage my emotions already.
I really learned a lot from my friends. I am also inspired to fight for who i am. One of my inspiration is Amber. I learned that i don't need to wear skirts or dresses just for the people to determine that i am a girl. I do not also need to change myself just to be loved by everyone, cause i am lovable the way i am. I am now gaining confidence to reach my dream no matter what people will say to me. I admit, i am weird but "Weird kids are the cool one." and "I am beautiful to be me."-Amber J. Liu
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